Funny Quote Favourites 2

Hi there,
heres just a couple more funnies you might enjoy.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
Billy Connolly Quote

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
Henry Youngman Quote

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
Billy Connolly Quote

If anybody says their facelift doesn't hurt, they're lying. It was like I'd spent the night with an axe murderer.
Sharon Osbourne Quote

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield Quote

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, 'Did you miss a step?'' No,' he answers, 'I hit every one of them!'
Milton Berle Quote

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
Bertrand Russell Quote

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper Quote

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
Emo Phillips Quote

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
Ronnie Corbett Quote

If you enjoyed these ones, check out more funny quotes.

Regards
Warrick Sullivan
3rd Draw Down

Funny Quote Favourites

Hey Everyone,
Over the last couple of days, Ive been setting up a database of funny quotes and sayings from stars, writers, celebs, authors etc and just wanted to share some of my favourites with you all.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
Billy Connolly Quote

(Jack) Benny's so cheap he wouldn't give you the parsley off his fish.
Fred Allen Quote

People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres Quote

I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette.
Anthony Hopkins Quote

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
Jack Benny Quote

The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they're not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, 'If you'd done that in the movie, you'd have won an Oscar, girl!
Chris Rock Quote

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson Quote

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert Heinlein Quote

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield Quote

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper Quote


Its funny how once you read one or two that start you laughing and get the giggles, even the average ones make your eyes water. I invite you to check out more funny quotes, and I hope you get as much enjoyment out of them as I do, and look forward to hearing some of your personal favourites. I will be setting up a page over the next few days so you can add some funny quotes to the site if they are not already there so others can get a giggle, but if you cant wait, you can email me at quotes@3rddrawdown.com and I will add them ASAP. I look forward to hearing from you.


Regards
Warrick Sullivan
3rd Draw Down